Avuncular with a Capital A

Notes from the CZO,
Chief Zayde Officer

Sixty years ago (give or take), my cousin Jeremy (age 10) and I (age 12) sat impatiently in Uncle Myron’s study at the Jewish Center of Jackson Heights in New York. Uncle Myron, known to the congregants as Rabbi Fenster, lingered at the opulent kiddush, greeting congregants, shaking hands, kissing cheeks, shmoozing, and wishing all a good Shabbas. He did this every week. 

At long last, the study door opened, and Uncle Myron came in and began to remove his clerical robes. Moments later, there was a knock on the door, and a crying, despondent young boy entered. 

“What is it?” Uncle Myron gently queried. 

“I can’t find my tallis, my mother’s going to kill me!” 

“Well, since this is a matter of life and death, we can call her on Shabbat.” 

Even as a 12-year-old, I knew this wasn’t a matter of life and death, and I understood Uncle Myron’s intent. Judaism is in the service of humanity was the lesson he shared with me that day. 

How many of us have been blessed with aunts, uncles, cousins, and family friends who have nurtured our Jewish souls, made us laugh, shared our joys, and guided us through difficult times?  

I love the word “avuncular” — according to Merriam-Webster: “suggestive of an uncle, especially in kindliness or geniality.” In my experience, it does justice to uncles and aunts. The Hebrew is even more powerful; the Hebrew for uncle is “dod”- the same word for “beloved.” 

Two years ago, in the weeks before his passing, I spent a Shabbat with Uncle Myron. He knew that his death was near, and in reflecting on his life, he wondered whether his years in the rabbinate had made a difference. I spoke to him of the thousands of men, women, children, and families who had learned from him and loved him. He scoffed at this, questioning his lasting impact. My answer to him was simple: “You held me on your lap during my bris, blessed me on my Bar Mitzvah, cried with me when we buried my father, married my wife and me, and chanted a prayer at my daughter’s wedding. You have been with me at every liminal moment in my life and then some. I have learned from you every day and continue to do so. If you question everything else, know the truly profound impact you have had on my life.” 

Let us honor and thank the aunts, uncles, friends, and grandchildren’s “special persons” everywhere for the love and blessings they offer to our children.