Essential Guidelines for Married Men Who Live Away From Home For Extended Periods of Time.

In the course of their careers, many married men will be confronted with the need to live away from home, and away from their spouses for extended periods of time.  The following guidelines will provide essential guidance to help married men adjust successfully during those periods.  

• Before leaving for the grocery store make a list of all food items you will need for the coming week.  You may want to consider categorizing this list by food and home supplies areas: fruits, vegetables, dairy, grains, cleaning supplies, etc. so that you are more organized once in the store.  Leave this list on the counter upon leaving your apartment. 
• Before placing clothing in the laundry to be washed, place two unmatched socks in the trash can.
• Purchase ample vegetables including ample supplies for salads: lettuce, kale, spinach, carrots, green peppers etc.  While organic fruits and vegetables a slightly more expensive, they contain fewer potentially harmful chemicals.  Place these vegetables in the trash can or in the sink disposal immediately upon returning home.  This will prevent them from rotting in the refrigerator. 
• The clothes dryer is the one that doesn’t use water.
• Maintain a high level of cleanliness in your apartment.  For instance, consider cleaning the bathroom a minimum of twice a year.  Dust balls with a diameter of 4 or greater are generally a good indication that it would be of value to sweep the floor.
• Dressing in layers is a valuable way to maximize your wardrobe in all weather conditions.  For instance, 2 to 3 pairs of pants should be sufficient to keep you warm on even the coldest of days. 
• Milk is generally good 2-4 weeks beyond the stated expiration date if health is not a consideration.
• Paper towels can take the place of multiple other paper items such as toilet paper and hand napkins, although not simultaneously.
• Gather an ample supply of Tupperware as well as other plastic food containers.  Take-out containers from Chinese and Thai restaurants, used margarine tubs and gelato containers can be repurposed for food storage.  You will recognize that you have reached an ample collection when you can no longer link the container with the matching lid within a four-hour time span. 
• Under no circumstances should Cheerios or any other breakfast cereal be deep fried. 
• The appearance of rust and mold spores are two good indicators that is may be time to change the razor blade. 
• For the sake of your personal health and sanity, it is of great value to invite your wife to visit you in your away apartment 2-3 times a year.  This will also dramatically reduce your or your apartment’s potential as a public health hazard.

5777 Parts A and B

The Jewish year of 5777 will bring forth my 65^th birthday. Thus, as Rosh Hashanah approaches I contemplate many things; what is truly important, how do we frame our core values; what is life’s true meaning; what Medicare plan should I sign up for?  Medicare is our nation’s way of saying that growing old does have its benefits; and it is time to schedule your next colonoscopy. 

As I contemplate the days ahead, I’ve been reading about mindfulness, have begun meditating and attempting to live more in the moment.  This, I find, is a perfect framework for my complete lack of short term memory.

I am also coming to peace with all I have hoped to accomplish and perhaps what may now be beyond my grasp.  For instance, I am now fully at peace that no matter what I do, I will never be able to fold a fitted sheet.

I have begun taking yoga and, to date, I hate it.  I often feel like a downward facing dog, and thus I see no reason for me to assume a position of such.  Let’s be honest, I’m in it for the spandex.

I reflect on my life and think about the choices I have made.  In wistful moments, I wish I had flossed more regularly.

But Rosh Hashanah reminds us that “Hayom Harat Olam” “Today is the birthday of the world”.  My sense is that the rabbis hadn’t concluded that this is, in fact, the day the big bang occurred 5,777 years ago.  Rather, I’d like to think that they are reminding us that every year, and on every day, we have the opportunity to recreate the world anew.  It is a compelling message of hope and opportunity.  At every age, in every time, new opportunities await us to find meaning, to make a difference, to enrich our lives and the lives of others.

Few experiences opened my eyes to the glorious possibilities and potential that lie in our collective future than Nomi and Keith’s wedding this past summer.  The weekend gathering of friends and family concluding with the wedding ceremony and freilich celebration that followed was a joyous affirmation of love, hope and faith.  Read more at http://draphael-emuse.blogspot.com/2016/09/nomi-and-keiths-wedding.html. 

As always, my family continues to anchor me and ground me. In moments of darkness thinking of them frames my life with joy and meaning.  Alya will spend Sukkot with us, and can’t wait to recreate memories of her childhood by making chains out of construction paper.  She is now using her science background, her skill in communications and her overall extraordinary competency and thoughtfulness as part of an innovative digital marketing team focusing on health and medical related firms. Esteban is a lead professional at a firm that creates customized DNA for research and pharmaceutical purposes.  He promises me that there are ample safeguards in place to prevent a dystopian future.  Nomi continues her studies at the University of Maryland School of Social Work and thinks about working with inner city children and building community gardens.  Keith teaches music at the Friends School and the Baltimore School of Rock.  Jacob is working in a local movie theater, and, on off hours, focusing on his writing and building a wonderful social network of friends.

Jo continues her work at the Epstein School as the counselor for the younger grades and her mixture of kindness, thoughtfulness and strength are a gift to children and families.

I remain the Executive Director of Boston University Hillel, a position that brings together extraordinary opportunity and, at times, overwhelming challenges. Working in Boston and living in Atlanta is difficult and, as a long-term life choice probably makes little sense.  So, life decisions lie in the near future.

The great joy of Nomi and Keith’s wedding in July was followed by difficult doldrums of August when work challenges seemed to wash over me in waves.  During stressful and painful weeks I was so bless to be able to reach out to dear friends and family for counsel and comfort. 

These are the great blessings, the great gifts that God has given me.  I am thankful to all of you who have and who continue to enrich my life in so many ways.

May you have a happy, sweet, healthy and meaningful new year.

Nomi and Keith's Wedding

Yet again there shall be heard... in the cities of Judah, and in the streets of Jerusalem​.

The voice of joy and the voice of gladness,​ the voice of the bridegroom​m and the voice of the bride.

Jerem​iah 33:10-11

Jo and I traveled to Baltimore several weeks before the wedding to meet Keith’s mom and attend to details at the Pearlstone Center where the wedding will be held.  Nomi sent invitations to friends to join us for Shabbat dinner at her home and fifteen attended, some with young children in tow.  Nomi and Keith had set a long narrow table in their living room/dining room with place settings many of which bore a striking resemblance to the stoneware pattern Jo and I had chosen in our wedding registry.  Those 35-year-old dishes have never seemed so beautiful.  The women gathered in the living room around the Shabbat candles, each lighting two for their own families and, in unison, they waved their hands, covered their eyes and recited the blessing. Arm-in-arm, we sang Shalom Alechem and I was given the honor of saying Kiddush.  They honored Shabbat traditions and have created their own; as Nomi said the blessing over the Challah, each individual touched each other to share in the mitzvah.

Thirty-five years ago, Jo and my wedding was a traditional affair – formal evening dress, color coordinated bridesmaids, a choice of chicken or fish.  Nomi and Keith’s wedding, was nothing of the sorts: they stood outside, under the chupah, surrounded by the lake and fields and the vegetable garden.   Music was provided by “Charm City Klezmer” followed by “Jackass Flats” a bluegrass band.  The dress code is cited as “farm chic” and jeans and overalls were as popular as sport jackets and dresses. 

But the wedding was also steeped in our Jewish traditions: We gathered with family and friends for a beautiful Shabbat dinner, Shabbat morning davening and, as the sun set over the farm, gathered for Havdolah. Accompanied by small groups of friends, Nomi and Keith, rose early in the morning to dip in the mitkvah.  Following the tisch, and led by guitars and mandolins, the men joyously dance and accompanied Keith as he walked to Nomi for the Bedekin.  Friends presented them with a beautiful hand-written and designed Ketubah.  

Nomi and Keith’s wedding was so wonderfully emblematic of the Jewish lives they are building together; ancient customs fused with new traditions; Judaism that is grounded in tradition but brought to life and framed
by who they are and the values they hold dear. Judaism is infused into who they are and who they aspire to be.

Nomi talks about “intentional communities” and organizes conferences at the Pearlstone Center to advance the state of the art.  As a Hillel Director, I contemplate what this means for my campus and my community.  How does one build an “intentional Jewish community”; one infused with the values and spirit of our Jewish heritage, legacy and culture? How do we frame and articulate a compelling encompassing mission and vision?  How do we model and advance Jewish values and Jewish consciousness in each moment in our encounters with students and members of our campus communities?  Perhaps of greatest importance is how we help our students find and embrace a deep and meaningful Judaism that infuses their lives with meaning.

Rabbi Ben Zoma taught: “Who is the rich person; the one who is happy with his portion” (Talmud—Avot 4:1).  Still aglow with the great joy Nomi and Keith’s wedding, I turn on my computer and begin another day of work at Hillel. I am so grateful for the wealth that God has given me.