Tashlich Take Two

As Rosh Hashanah is “early” this year, I’ll be able to get on with the annual process of expiating my sins sooner.  Fortunately, this phenomenon of Jewish calendaring, precipitated by the aligning of lunar and solar years, also corresponds to the end of a rainy summer in the southeastern United States.  Rivers and streams will be flush, thus providing ample room for the trove of sins that will take the form of stale bread, challah and rice at Tashlich. 

Tashlich, the custom where, on the first day of Rosh Hashanah, Jews cast some form of grain (e.g. bread, rice, Cheerios) upon flowing water, as a metaphorical representation of casting out one’s sins, has always struck me as a cop out.  That we can unburden ourselves, even metaphorically, by tossing week-old challah, stale Wheat Thins or Shredded Wheat, soon to be bound for the disposal in any event, into the waters just seems too easy.  We need something with more bite.  We need to up the ante.  Might we take the ritual tossing of sins more seriously if the stand-in we choose for them was more dear.  For instance, I’d imagine that we’d all be far more pious if, on the afternoon of the first day of Rosh Hashanah, we all were asked to toss our I Pads and I Phones in the water to account for our sins.  Parenthetically, this would work on multiple levels for Anthony Wiener.  (Gevalt, since the days of Vlad the Impaler, has there ever been a more fitting surname).

Inquisitively, I turned to Google, my chief source for spiritual guidance, and typed in the phrase: “the world’s most expensive bread”.  Topping this list was this entry:

Harrods, London’s premier department store, now carries a most luxurious loaf. Britain’s most expensive bread and, if you believe some of the hype surrounding it, the most expensive bread in the world, the Roquefort and Almond sourdough is created with some of the finest ingredients money can buy. The bread, recognized as Britain’s most expensive by the National Association of Master Bakers, will be sold at Harrods for £15 (US $24.50).”

That’s more like it.  At $25 a loaf I’d wager that we’d all be more conscientious about sinning.  Being the consummate capitalist (thus my lucrative Hillel career), I’m thinking that there may be a potential business growth opportunity in “Tashlich” wafers (the hard, flat shape will make tossing easier).  I’m thinking three variations: light, medium and heavy sins, the latter at a minimum of $500 for a box of 10, sold with the assumption that Jews dwelling in SuperMax prisons will have access to some form of flowing water and that Bernie Madoff has some remaining disposable income.

It’s hard for me to see how the act of throwing bread in the water can or should, in any manner, exculpate past bad actions.  Metaphorically casting out past misdeeds may make us feel better but it doesn’t do much for those we’ve ‘misdeeded’ against. Thus, with the operational assumption that the Days of Awe should not just be about mitigating past mistakes but impacting future actions, this coming Rosh Hashanah, I for one, plan on finding my way to the Chattahoochee River and attempt to cast some behaviors on the water.  As the Cheerios flutter through the air and then head downstream, I’ll resolve to make a sincere effort to be less aggressive when I drive and more patient in Trader Joe’s when the customer in front of me brandishes a checkbook.  I’ll click ‘save’ instead of ‘send’ upon completing that snarky email, and will think more charitable thoughts of the parents of the screaming toddler in seats 17 C and D two rows behind me on my flight to the coast.  And literally and metaphorically, I’ll share my bread more often and more graciously so that when Tashlich rolls around next year, I’ll have less, also literally and metaphorically, to toss upon the waters.