As Rosh Hashanah is “early” this year, I’ll be able to get
on with the annual process of expiating my sins sooner. Fortunately, this phenomenon of Jewish
calendaring, precipitated by the aligning of lunar and solar years, also
corresponds to the end of a rainy summer in the southeastern United
States. Rivers and streams will be flush,
thus providing ample room for the trove of sins that will take the form of
stale bread, challah and rice at Tashlich.
Tashlich, the custom where, on the first day of Rosh
Hashanah, Jews cast some form of grain (e.g. bread, rice, Cheerios) upon
flowing water, as a metaphorical representation of casting out one’s sins, has
always struck me as a cop out. That we
can unburden ourselves, even metaphorically, by tossing week-old challah, stale
Wheat Thins or Shredded Wheat, soon to be bound for the disposal in any event,
into the waters just seems too easy. We
need something with more bite. We need
to up the ante. Might we take the ritual
tossing of sins more seriously if the stand-in we choose for them was more
dear. For instance, I’d imagine that
we’d all be far more pious if, on the afternoon of the first day of Rosh
Hashanah, we all were asked to toss our I Pads and I Phones in the water to
account for our sins. Parenthetically, this
would work on multiple levels for Anthony Wiener. (Gevalt, since the days of Vlad the Impaler,
has there ever been a more fitting surname).
Inquisitively, I turned to Google, my chief source for
spiritual guidance, and typed in the phrase: “the world’s most expensive bread”. Topping this list was this entry:
Harrods, London’s premier
department store, now carries a most luxurious loaf. Britain’s most expensive
bread and, if you believe some of the hype surrounding it, the most expensive
bread in the world, the Roquefort and Almond sourdough is created with some of
the finest ingredients money can buy. The bread, recognized as Britain’s most
expensive by the National Association of Master Bakers, will be sold at Harrods
for £15 (US $24.50).”
That’s more like it.
At $25 a loaf I’d wager that we’d all be more conscientious about
sinning. Being the consummate capitalist
(thus my lucrative Hillel career), I’m thinking that there may be a potential business
growth opportunity in “Tashlich” wafers (the hard, flat shape will make tossing
easier). I’m thinking three variations:
light, medium and heavy sins, the latter at a minimum of $500 for a box of 10,
sold with the assumption that Jews dwelling in SuperMax prisons will have
access to some form of flowing water and that Bernie Madoff has some remaining
disposable income.
It’s hard for me to see how the act of throwing bread in the
water can or should, in any manner, exculpate past bad actions. Metaphorically casting out past misdeeds may
make us feel better but it doesn’t do much for those we’ve ‘misdeeded’ against.
Thus, with the operational assumption that the Days of Awe should not just be about
mitigating past mistakes but impacting future actions, this coming Rosh
Hashanah, I for one, plan on finding my way to the Chattahoochee River and attempt
to cast some behaviors on the water. As the Cheerios flutter through the air and
then head downstream, I’ll resolve to make a sincere effort to be less
aggressive when I drive and more patient in Trader Joe’s when the customer in
front of me brandishes a checkbook. I’ll
click ‘save’ instead of ‘send’ upon completing that snarky email, and will think
more charitable thoughts of the parents of the screaming toddler in seats 17 C
and D two rows behind me on my flight to the coast. And literally and metaphorically, I’ll share
my bread more often and more graciously so that when Tashlich rolls around next
year, I’ll have less, also literally and metaphorically, to toss upon the
waters.
