Shanah Tovah Tikatevu?

I am distressed that I will never discover the correct spelling of the word “Tikatevu”. Oddly, Microsoft Word offers no suggestions. Fortunately, a cut and paste web search on Google reveals 29,300 hits. Having not checked them all, I cannot be sure that a percentage of them do not refer to an ancient Mayan sacrificial ritual or a Scottish game of dog tossing.

It is revealing that 29,300 individual web users have posted a site with the word “Tikatevu”, and it confirms the arrival of web-based Judaism. I understand that there are now avatar-based Shabbat dinners and Seders (“Sedarim for the purists among you – 78,900 hits on Google). While this may be a viable alternative to the Jewish tradition of having extended family converge on your home for 3-days to consume 300 pounds of matzah and 476 eggs, I would not attempt a bris in this fashion. A Google search on the phrase “How to perform a bris” offers 206,000 selections. This is troubling.

I digress. During this period of profound reflection and soul searching I punctuate my personal search for meaning by typing “Shanah Tovah Tikatevu” at the end of every email. This is an act of profound devotion, only matched by wearing my Saucony ProGrid Omni 8 running shoes on Yom Kippur. Since I do not run, this will be the most time I spend wearing them all year. I think they will look fabulous with my charcoal suit and red tie.

I do miss the annual ritual of sending and receiving high holiday cards and the accompanying family tradition of hanging them from the bamboo roof of my Sukkah (“Shach” – 102,000 hits on Google) to have them fall immediately when it rains on the first night. Sadly, in this era of e-greetings, these cards from friends and family have been replaced by photos of Judaica clipped from the calendar of Epstein’s Funeral Home in Smyrna, Georgia.

I sometime pine for a simpler, less electronically charged Judaism. I remember with such fondness the intimate, if somewhat claustrophobic, confines of the Jewish Center of Bayside Oaks when the High Holidays found Richard Fruchter and me singing soprano in the choir, Dan Kauffman duchaning (1,280 hits on Google) in a deep resonate bass voice and Rabbi Hertzberg uttering his memorable words “shhhhhh” while all the men stood outside smoking Kents and Lucky Strikes. These were halcyon days and they have accounted for no less than 7 months of my psychoanalysis.

Thus, as a Jewish community that Facebooks, blogs, texts and tweets we send our greetings of affection and good will for the year 5770 to friends and family around the globe. We are one, and if texting brings us closer it is a good thing. Thus, this year, in lieu of sending out greeting cards, I opened my Twitter page and typed in “Shanah Tovah Tikatevu”, a phrase that was well below the 140 character maximum. Unfortunately, I immediately received 47 requests to be followed on Twitter by Scottish dog tossers. A new strategy was called for and thus I endeavored to pen the perfect 140 character Twitter High Holiday message. Here is the progression:

“L'shanah Tovah. May you be inscribed in the book of life.” 58 characters.

“L'shanah Tovah. May this new year bring you and your family much joy and peace.” 120 characters.

“L'shanah Tovah. My best wishes to you and your family for a happy and healthy new year”. 97 characters. This is harder than I thought.

Finally, I nailed it: “L'shanah Tovah. May this New Year bring much peace and happiness to you and your loved ones. With love the Raphael family and Goldie the dog.” 140 characters on the button.

As we say in the vernacular: “Ken Yirbu.” Look it up on Google.